live on..


I live in darkness
lord i ask not for a lamp
i ask you to hold my tongue
that i may not drown the world
in my grief
i ask that you make me deaf
so i can hear not
of what i can never have.
Take away my sanity
and make my ignorance bliss
but let my pen live on
let all the words it wrote last
let them linger in the minds of those i live behind..

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About kyoespeaks

“Write what should not be forgotten.” ― Isabel Allende View all posts by kyoespeaks

2 responses to “live on..

  • Ordinary Girl, Ordinary Life

    I really, really like this poem! You asked me for tips. Keep in mind these tips are not criticisms, only how I would approach this poem from my own perspective. I like to create a rhythm by counting out how the syllables of each line sing together, and look for any hidden rhymes (minds/behind), I also like to break my poems into stanzas/ideas (so to speak). I also used more punctuation. Notice how the word ‘drown’ at first seems to define yourself, but then twists itself onto the world, but then wouldn’t you drown along with the world; everyone drowning in your grief, wow that is good emotion! Let your pen live on….. I would form your poem in this way if it were mine:

    I live in darkness.
    Lord, I ask not for a lamp;
    I ask you to hold my tongue
    that i may not drown
    the world in my grief.

    I ask that you make me deaf,
    so I can hear not
    of what I can never have.

    Take away my sanity,
    make my ignorance bliss,
    but let my pen live on –

    Let all the words I wrote last
    linger in the minds
    of those I live behind.

  • Ordinary Girl, Ordinary Life

    I made a mistake, correction: Let all the words it wrote last

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